You’re a Better Meditator Than You Think You Are.

Practice is the point.

I’m terrible at meditating because I can never get my mind to quiet down. I want to meditate but…my mind is too busy, I can’t stop thinking, I get so distracted, I can’t sit still, sitting in silence is boring and uncomfortable.

We have this notion that meditation is supposed to look like a graceful person sitting in stillness while cross-legged on the floor with perfect posture and a serene smile - and we have this idea that this person has a completely calm and empty mind. No wonder why so many of us feel like we could never be a member of that club.

I am delighted to tell you that this person does not exist. All of the meditators I know (myself included) are sitting in chairs, lying on the floor or in bed, we’re shifting and fidgeting, our back hurts, our knee feels weird, an ear is itchy, we’re overthinking, calculating a to-do list, thinking about dinner, rehashing a past conversation, and we’re wondering how much longer until the bell rings and we can turn on the tv and eat snacks.

Now can you relate?

I like to think of my meditation as a time to take an inventory of everything that is going on in my mind. I sit down, set my timer, and settle in to see what thoughts show up. What’s on my mind today? I let it all come. All day I’ve been distracted by external events and situations and noise. My thoughts, feelings, and all of the sensory input of the day have been running the show and I’ve been on autopilot all day.

 Sitting (mostly) still and in the (mostly) quiet gives me time and space to connect to and check in with myself. How am I doing today? What am I actually feeling? What needs attention?

What makes this meditation is that I’m watching all the thoughts as an observer - and trying my best to not judge myself for what’s arising. Allow the thoughts to arise, acknowledge them (Oh hello thought about needing an oil change, okay, noted, thanks) and gently remind myself to return my attention to breathing in, breathing out. Repeat. 

On a meditation retreat I attended recently, our teacher gave the example that in a short meditation you may repeat the process of observing a thought and reminding yourself to return to your breath 40 times, and that’s a great meditation. And if you do it 100 times, it’s even better! 

The whole point of meditation is noticing when your mind wanders and gently guiding your attention back to your anchor*. You do this over and over again.

That’s it - the whole point. There’s no meditation if there are no thoughts to observe and redirect your attention from.

And it’s so hard for us to accept! We prefer to criticize ourselves as “bad meditators” for noticing we have a lot of thoughts - when really, we are milliseconds away from that magic moment of noticing we’re thinking and choosing to return our attention to our anchor. You’re a better meditator than you think you are! Just take that final step.

So why all of this talk of quieting our minds in meditation? Because with the consistent practice of sitting quietly and observing our thoughts over a long period of time, we may build the skills to help our minds stay quiet for a few more breaths.

It becomes easier to acknowledge our thoughts as just thoughts passing through. We see that our thoughts may feel true and need immediate attention and action, but when we let them just be, we may realize they are not all necessarily true. Then we redirect our attention instead of getting carried down a rabbit hole for each thought. If we do find ourselves down a rabbit hole, we have a strategy to extract ourselves.

If we continue to sit and trust this process of observing and returning, we may find a bit more space in our minds and freedom from our thoughts ruling our moods. We may notice we’re a little bit calmer in our daily lives. We may notice that we pause before an instinct automatically kicks in, an opportunity to choose a response instead of a quick reaction.

The quiet space and lack of distraction we cultivate during meditation gives us room to connect with ourselves, our inner and highest knowing - our connection to the universe, our source, collective conscience, spirit, god, whatever word or concept resonates with you. It’s a relief, a refuge, a deep rest.

Human minds are full of thoughts. It’s part of the deal. Meditation is an opportunity to observe our human-ness. We can’t meditate our human-ness away, but we can learn how to create more quiet and space and connection with ourselves and maybe the universe  - with practice.

Extremely experienced meditators who have been practicing for decades still have thoughts during meditations, but they know exactly what to do when the thoughts arise. They have become finely skilled at creating quiet and space.

In the ancient texts, calming the fluctuations of the mind is the ultimate goal of yoga. So if you haven’t mastered this ancient discipline, congratulations, you’re a real human. Give yourself some grace! 

A yoga practice, a meditation practice. Each time we get on our mat or sit down to meditate, we practice. Practice is the point. 

*Your anchor is often your breath, or it could be another steady sensation, such as your palms touching your lap or the sounds around you.