Sunday Morning Secret

My secret is that every Sunday morning when I arrive to the 8:30am yoga class, I’m never sure I can do it. I believe this might be the class where I lay in savasana the entire time. I’m on my feet all day on Saturdays and I wake up feeling tired and creaky on Sundays. I walk into class fearing how hard and impossible it might feel. 

But as class begins, I remind myself to just try. Take it easy. Knees down. I don’t go so deeply into early poses. And pretty soon, I find that my body is warming up and the story I’ve told myself about being too tired loosens its grip on me. My predictions were wrong. I can surrender to the practice. 

And the more I surrender, the more I surprise myself. My knee bends deeper. My reach grows longer. I try something and discover that it is actually possible in my body. Or that it isn’t.

Each time, I discover that just because something feels hard doesn’t mean I can’t try it, and sometimes even accomplish it. And what I can’t do - doesn’t matter. Because I’m meeting myself where I am. And there are no report cards here. The work we do in yoga is all internal. 

I have moments of recognizing that class after class, month after month, year after year, builds up. The consistency pays off. The practice has changed me, expanded me. In moments I am aware of the progress I’ve made. Growth happens slowly - we often can’t see a meaningful difference from one day to the next. But every now and then my body relaxes into a pose and I have this awareness of all the growth I’ve experienced, physically and mentally. A moment of celebrating and acknowledging and honoring the consistency, the ritual, the routine. I’m elated, and at the same time, feeling deeply peaceful. There is security in knowing that the more I pour into my practice, the more my practice supports me. It’s a deep trust with myself. 

We all practice yoga for many different reasons. Right now, this feeling is the reason that is most important to me.